How to Write a Terrible Research Paper: Part 2:

1. funky intro music Welcome back to "How to Write a Terrible Research Paper!" I'm your host, Arcanus the Adept. Today my apprentice Snagglescale joins me to share more tips for truly terrible research. Snagglescale, what's the first step after a poorly conceived idea? Snagglescale: Why, a botched proposal of course! Leave out details, waffle aimlessly, and by all means avoid addressing reviewers' concerns from prior failures. Which brings us to our first activity - compose the world's worst research proposal in under 3 minutes! Go! muffled scrambling sounds Time's up! Let's peer at these proposals. My, my, meticulously vague and utterly unfeasible - you've certainly got a gift for gibberish. On to protocols! Ensure yours is needlessly complex, excludes key information, and most importantly, doesn't follow procedures. Aim to baffle, not edify! For literary loathing, shun style guides. Embrace verbosity, eschew editing. Let convolutions, cacophony, and circumlocutions run wild! Spurn structure; flout formatting. Verify vitiation, not virtue! And never annotate, else risk losing face when flaws are found. When reviewing tomes, shun Boolean outright. Scoff at keywords, disregard domains. Then tout your findings, few though they be. Garble summaries, graft false quotes - in short, don't study stoically! As for instructions, incinerate STROBE, torpedo TRIPOD. Your work needs no rules; care not a jot for core or clarity. Introduce intricacies, ignore integration. Methodically mistreat methodology with mystery not merit in mind. On the subject of authordom: insist on first, refuse responsibilities. Deny contributions, demand disproportionate dues. Confound co-creators, conceal cruelties. Steal ship and credit; care not for cooperation!
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   This has been "How to Write a Terrible Research Paper" with Arcanus and Snagglescale. Tune in next week for more heinous how-tos! Same bat time, same bat channel! funky outro music
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